On her memoir, The Meaning Of Mariah Carey, Mariah revealed one of her best kept secrets. She recorded and alt rock album in 1995. “I was playing with the style of the breezy-grunge, punk-light white female singers who were popular at the time,” she writes in her memoir. “You know the ones who seemed to be so carefree with their feelings and their image. They could be angry, angsty, and messy, with old shoes, wrinkled slips, and unruly eyebrows, while every move I made was so calculated and manicured. I wanted to break free, let loose, and express my misery — but I also wanted to laugh. I totally looked forward to doing my alter-ego band sessions after Daydream each night.”
The album was written and produced by Mariah using the alias D. Sue, while Walter Afanasieff used the moniker W. Vlad and Gary Cirimelli, who received a writing credit on three tracks, went by W. Chester. “It was all very spontaneous and impromptu, she didn't want a lot of effort going into it,” engineer Dana Jon Chappelle told Rolling Stone. “A lot of times, she'd write a song out and lyrically she'd be done in 10, 15 minutes. She'd sit there on a pad and knock out lyrics or ideas and then finish them another day.”
“I never really was like, ‘Oh, we're going to release it,’ ” Mariah told told Zane Lowe in 2020. “But then I was like, ‘I should release it. I should do it under an alias. Let people discover it.’ But that got squashed.” When Sony Music found out about the project, originally titled Eel Tree, they refused to release the record with Mariah's vocals as the lead, renaming the band to Chick, and made Mariah sanitize many of the more explicit lyrics. They also brought in Mariah's friend Clarissa Dane to become the face of Chick and layered her vocals on top of Mariah's, thus masking her voice.
Instead of releasing the project under Mariah's label, Columbia, Sony moved it to Epic under 550 Records and released it in September 1995. Two singles were released, “Demented” — which served as the inspiration behind the name of Mariah's record label Crave Records — and “Malibu,” with a music video directed by Mariah herself.
“I'm on a quest to unearth the version of this album with my lead vocals and will not stop until we find it!” Mariah wrote on Twitter. Later, during an interview with Apple Music's Zane Lowe, she added, “I just found the version with my vocals, but I need to find the board mixes from back then.”
| Track # | Song | Run time |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Joe
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad, W. Chester.
Produced by Chick. |
4:26 |
| 2 | Love Is A Scam
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
3:03 |
| 3 | Violent
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
3:02 |
| 4 | Malibu
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad, W. Chester.
Produced by Chick. |
4:45 |
| 5 | Demented
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
3:33 |
| 6 | Freak
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad, W. Chester.
Produced by Chick. |
2:17 |
| 7 | Agony
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
3:57 |
| 8 | Surrender
Written by R. Nielsen.
Produced by Chick. |
4:15 |
| 9 | Hermit
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
2:42 |
| 10 | Prom Queen
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
3:38 |
| 11 | Stork: Orphan In My Room
Written by C. Dane-Davidson, D. Sue, W. Vlad.
Produced by Chick. |
2:40 |
I am sleeping
Don't you try to feel my body
I am bleeding
Don't you try to get erotic
Dirty dog, and you smell like my mother
Dirty dog, tell me how could you touch her?
Dirty dog, lickin' 'round in a trash can
Dirty dog, you're a pervert, a sick man
Don't you come around me
Sniffin' at my feet
Don't you try to treat me
Like a piece of meat
Stinkin' pig, don't you try to seduce me
Never gonna get me
Stinkin' pig, no, you ain't gonna juice me
Don't you come around here
Tryin' to turn me on
After you've been usin'
Till the early dawn
I am sleeping
Don't you try to feel my body
I am bleeding
Don't you try to get erotic
I am sleeping
Don't you try to feel my body
I am bleeding
Don't you try to get erotic
Dirty dog, and you smell like my mother
Dirty dog, tell me how could you touch her?
Dirty dog, lickin' 'round in a trash can
Dirty dog, you're a pervert, a sick man
Don't you come around me
Sniffin' at my feet
Don't you try to treat me
Like a piece of meat
I am sleeping
Don't you try to feel my body
I am bleeding
Don't you try to get erotic
I am sleeping
Don't you try to feel my body
I am bleeding
Don't you try to get erotic
Repeat
I don't wanna be your doormat
I don't wanna be no plastic blow-up doll
I don't want to be like my Aunt Lucy
I am so disgusted with it all
Yeah, love is a scam
And I don't really give a damn
Oh yeah, love is a scam
I don't wanna clip your toenails
I don't wanna smell your stinkin' funky feet
I'm so sick of falling in the hole
Fill up the alabaster sink
Yeah, love is a scam
And I don't really give a damn
Oh yeah, love is a scam
I don't wanna kiss you with morning breath
I don't wanna treat you with tenderness
I don't wanna see you when you're undressed
I don't wanna feel like a stewardess anymore
Love is a scam
And I don't really give a damn
Oh yeah, love is a scam
I don't want you
I don't want you no more, no more
I don't want you, I don't want you
I don't want you no more, no more
I don't want you, I don't want you
I don't want you no more, no more
No more
I don't want you no more
Yeah, love is a scam
And I don't really give a damn
Oh yeah, love is a scam
Love is a scam
Love is a scam
Love is a scam
Love is a scam
We used to be like Shaggy and Scooby
But now you act like you never know me
We used to be like Carole and Paula
But now we only stumble and falter
I get violent waiting for you
Violent waiting for you
Violent waiting for you
Violent waiting for you
We used to be to like Chachi and Joanie
But now you act like a fuckin' phony
We used to be to like Marilyn and Joe
But now you act like someone I don't know
I get violent waiting for you
Violent waiting for you
I get violent waiting for you
Violent waiting for you
(Violent waiting for you) I get so violent
(Violent waiting for you) I get so violent
(Violent waiting for you) I get so
(Violent waiting for you) I get so maniacal
(Violent waiting for you) I get violent, violent, violent, violent
(Violent waiting for you) I wanna spend your money
(Violent waiting for you) I wanna kick somebody
(Violent waiting for you) I get violent, violent, violent, violent
(Violent waiting for you) I get violent waiting for you
I get violent waiting for you
If I were Malibu Barbie and you were suntan Ken
I'd probably dump your ass for G.I. Joe 'cause he's macho, yeah
And if I were Marcia Brady and you were Keith Partridge
I'd probably cheat on you with Davy Jones
But you don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all
If I were Roger with Jeannie and you were Melrose Place
I'd probably blink my eyes and send your ass to Lost In Space
But you don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all ('Cause I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all
You know I think you're kinda stupid
Why can't you get it through your big fat head
I hate you, I hate you, I wish you were dead
You don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all (I'm only using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all ('Cause I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
You don't care that I don't care at all (I'm using you)
Repeat
It's like being pregnant without pickles and ice cream
It's like when you whisper but you really want to scream
I crave you, I crave you, I crave you
I crave you and crave you and crave you
It's kinda like playing spin-the-bottle all alone
It's kinda like talking on a broken telephone
I crave you, I crave you, I crave you till I turn blue
I crave you and crave you and crave you
It's so demented
I have to vent this
I am cemented
I can't prevent it
It's so demented
I have to vent this
I am cemented
I can't prevent it
It's almost like eighteen hours on a carousel
And it's almost like being trapped inside a padded cell
I crave you, I crave you, I crave you till I turn blue
I crave you and crave you and crave you
Repeat
Met a midget he was shorter than Elroy Jetson
If you could see him it would really blow your mind
He smelled a little like a kennel that you keep your pets in
Because he didn't bathe for eight weeks at a time
But he was my friend
I liked him, I really liked him
Something about him was cool
He was okay
I think that you would like him
He's an awful lot like you
I met a drag queen in a harlot hobo hellhole
She looked like a little bit like Gilda in a dress
He wore a teddy with a nice big plunging neckline
So everyone could see her big fat hairy chest
But she was my friend
I liked her, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She's an awful lot like you
It doesn't matter who you are
Or what you think of me
Bigotry is just a form of insecurity
I met a lady with a beard like Rip Van Winkle
I don't remember but I think her name was Bruce
You couldn't see his face, she had so many pimples
I couldn't tell if she was black, white or chartreuse
But she was my friend
I liked her, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She's an awful lot like you
She was my friend
I liked her, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She's an awful lot like you
She's an awful lot like you
She's an awful lot like you
She's an awful lot like you
You take and take and take and take some more again
Because you can't avoid those voices in your head
You fall away from me and wallow in despair
You bruise and rape yourself
You are beyond repair
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
I break the door down and I find you on the floor
You softly mumble that you want a little more
You close your eyes and slip away to neverland
And turn into the boy that used to be a man
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
Somebody kill the pain
Somebody rack my brain
Somebody kill the pain
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
Agony, ecstasy
Are the same for you and me
Repeat
Mother told me, yes, she told me, I'd meet guys like you
She also told me, “Stay away. You'll never know what you'll catch”
Just the other day I heard a soldier's falling off
Some Indonesian junk was goin' round
Mommy's alright, daddy's alright
They just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
Father says, “Your mother's right. She's really up on things.
Before we married, Mommy served in the WACS in the Philippines”
Now, I had heard the WACs recruited old maids for the war
But mommy isn't one of those, I've known her all these years
Mommy's alright, daddy's alright
They just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year
Every time I got to thinking and then they'd disappear
When I woke up, Mom and Dad were rolling on the couch
Rolling numbers, rock and rollin', got my KISS records out
Mommy's alright, daddy's alright
They just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
Repeat
I am vinegar and water
I am someone's ugly daughter
I am wading in the water
I am locked inside a closet
I am dripping like a faucet
I am twisted like a sausage
Antisocial
So unhopeful
Antisocial
I am just a broken window
I am feathers from a pillow
I am weeping like a willow
And I am like an open blister
I am Jack the Ripper's sister
I am just a lonely drifter
Antisocial
So unhopeful
Antisocial
I'm antisocial
So unhopeful
Antisocial, baby
Like a hermit in a castle
Like a pitbull with no muzzle
Like Travolta with no hustle
Schwarzenegger with no muscle
Like a hermit in a castle
Like a pitbull with no muzzle
Like Travolta with no hustle
Schwarzenegger with no muscle
Antisocial
Antisocial
Like a hermit in a castle
Like a pitbull with no muzzle
Like Travolta with no hustle
Schwarzenegger with no muscle
Like a hermit in a castle
Like a pitbull with no muzzle
Like Travolta with no hustle
Schwarzenegger with no muscle
I can be anything
I'll show them all
I can be anything
I'll show them all
On the day he turned 16
He washed his face and brushed his teeth
Looked in the mirror longingly
Said 'I could be the next prom queen'
He closed the door and went to school
And tried to act so very cool
Living a double life
Isn't so very nice
Sometimes he isn't sure
If he's a boy or girl
Got home at quarter after three
He opened up the vanity
Applied his makeup expertly
And said 'I could pass for 23'
He stole his little sister's dress
And used his brother's socks as breasts
He shaved his legs and moussed his hair
Put on his mother's underwear
I can be anything that I want to be
Someday I will really show them all
I can be anything that I want to be
Someday I will really show them all
On the day he turned 19
He took a train to Bleeker Street
He met a guy named Norma Jean
Who said he could fulfill his dream
He told the doctor of his woes
And took the bottle of hormones
Struck collagen into his lips
And silicone into his hips
He didn't even cry
Under the surgeon's knife
Now he can tell the world
That she's a real girl
I can be anything that I wanna be
Someday I will really show them all
I can be anything that I wanna be
Someday I will really show them all
I can be anything that I wanna be
Someday I will really show them all
That I can be prom queen
I can be prom queen
I can be prom queen
I can be prom queen
I can be prom queen
I am us, flesh and blood
Someone you gave away
You and me, just a dream
One that you cannot see
Where are you, where are you?
Mother dear, father dear
Where are you, where are you?
Mother dear, father dear
Stranded, abandoned
We are one, come undone
What was the circumstance
You let go of my chance
To fully understand
Who am I
Mother dear, father dear
Who am I, who am I
Mother dear, father dear
Stranded, abandoned
Oh, mother
Can't you hear me callin' you
Oh, father
You don't know what I've been through
Oh, mother
Can't you hear me callin' you
Oh, father
You don't know what I've been through
Tell me, someone tell me
Someone tell me
You are me, I am you
You are me
Stranded, stranded, stranded
Stranded, stranded, stranded
